Sometimes circumstances beyond my son’s control can get so frustrating; for him, and for me. Today I found myself very angry and frustrated after my son’s Taekwondo instructor told me that he may not have my son take his color belt test this week with his class. He’s concerned that my son won’t hold it together and focus during testing and talked about having him do a make up test. This took me by surprise because my son is not always consistent, but pulls it together for testing and takes it very serious. After all, this is his 3rd degree red belt testing, which makes it his ninth color belt test. He’s never held him back and not let him test. Why now?! The only thing I can imagine is he’s worried about his reputation if he lets my son test and it doesn’t go well.
I’m in my kitchen preparing dinner and it hits me like a freight train. I’m not angry with my son’s instructor. I’m angry with autism. There are days that I curse autism and today is one of them. It’s not fair that my son works hard at Taekwondo but will have bad days like today due to circumstances beyond his control. The winds were blowing today and his allergies were peaking. He had to attend class with itchy eyes and when his allergies are bad, he can’t focus. He can’t hold his body still and impulses are out of control. Damn wind, allergies and yes, autism!
My son does not understand why he is not earning his stripe that he needs to qualify for testing. He keeps correcting what his master asks him to work on and he takes it seriously. It’s going to break his heart if he can’t test with his class, which of course has me now chopping onions in tears. And the tears weren’t due to the onion vapors.
My son has his great days and his not so great days. Mostly, he is more neuro-typical than not. But autism lies beneath the surface and pops its ugly head out very unexpectedly. This always catches me off guard and forces me stop for a moment, take a deep breath, and just accept the cards my son has been dealt. Despite it all, he’s a wonderful, humorous, boy with a passionate view on life. I love that kid with all my heart and accept him for who he is, autism and all.